A woman goes into a butcher shop to get something special for dinner. She spies something which looks interesting and asks the butcher how much it costs. "Well ma'am, those are the brains of a soprano, and they're a $1.50 a pound." "Oh, ok", replies the woman. "What's that?", she asks, pointing. "Those are the brains of a bass, and they're $3.00 a pound." "Oh", says the woman, "that looks great, what is it?" "Ma'am, those are the brains of a tenor, and they are $40.00 a pound." "That's outrageous!", says the woman. "Why is it so much for those brains?" "Ma'am", replies the patient butcher, "do you have any idea how many tenors it takes to make one pound of brains?"

Q: If the tenor and the conductor got in a fight, who would win?
A: It's a trick question. There would be no fight. The tenor would whine until he got his way!

Q: Why are conductor's hearts coveted for transplants?
A: They've had so little use.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a conductor?
A: A Doberman.

Q: How are tenors like pirates?
A: They are both murder on the high C's.

Q: If you are a stones throw away from a conductor what should you do?
A: Throw stones.

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass's arm?
A: A tattoo.

Q: What do 4 basses sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good idea!

Q: What do you do if you run over a conductor?
A: Back up.

Q: Why should you have to be a tenor to work for a furnace repair service?
A: Tenors know everything about hot air!

Q: How do you tell if a bass is actually dead?
A: Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).

Q: In the last act of Don Giovanni, there is always a statue which is replaced at some point by a real singer, a bass (the Commendatore). How can you tell when the switch has occurred?
A: The "statue" starts looking a bit stiff.

Q: Why did the soprano tiptoe past her medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake the sleeping pills.

Q: Did you hear about the soprano who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why did the soprano refused a window seat on an airplane?
A: She had just styled her hair & didn't want it blown around too much.

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said. "Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?" "This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote." "And the other?" said the customer. "This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000." "Holy moly! What does that one do?" "Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."