Q: What is the difference between a baritone and King Kong?
A: King Kong's more sensitive.

Q: What do you call a house occupied by retired tenors?
A: A crack house.

Q: How are tenors like pirates?
A: They are both murder on the high C's.

Q: A fan asks a soprano if she can read music?
A: "Not enough to hurt my singing," she answers.

Q: What do you call 25 basses up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: One friend to another: "Why do you hang around with that drummer??"
A: "Beats me!"

Q: Why do conductors smile during a performance?
A: Because ignorance is bliss and what they don't know can't hurt them.

Q: What is the range of a tenor?
A: As far as you can kick him.

Q: What do you call a soprano with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: How many sopranos does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies?
A: Ten. One to stir the batter and nine to peel the M & M's.

Q: Music teacher: "Do you like opera, Francesca?"
A: Francesca: "Apart from the singing, yes."

Q: What's a snake's favorite opera?
A: Wriggeletto.

Q: What do you call a gnome who lives in the city?
A: A Metronome.

Q: What is brown and black and looks good on a music critic?
A: A Doberman!

Q: How is a pupil learning to sing like someone opening a can of sardines?
A: They both have trouble with the key.

Q: What kind of musical instrument can never tell the truth?
A: A lyre.

Q: When is the water in the shower room musical?
A: When it's piping hot.

Q: Why don't skeletons play music in church?
A: They have no organs.

Q: Why did they arrest the musician?
A: He got into treble.

Q: When is a tenor not a tenor?
A: When he is a little ho(a)rse.

Q: What do you call singing insects?
A: Humbugs.

Q: Why was the singing teacher's voice so high-pitched?
A: She had falsetto teeth.

Q: Why was the tenor happy to be at the gallows?
A: Because he was finally in the noose.

Did you hear about the tenor who wanted to play Samson because he heard that Samson brought the house down?

Q: What happened to the orchestra that played for a bunch of cannibals?
A: They went down really well!

Q: What do you call a squashed insect?
A: Bee flat.