From readings:

• "All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants."
• "Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaivovsky's Cracknutter Suite, & Gershwin's Rap City in Blue. In defining musical terms, they also demonstrate that they know their brass from their oboe."
• "A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals."
• "Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing."
• "Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields & McCoys."
• "A Stradivarius is a prehistoric animal."
• "The main trouble with the French horn is that it is too tangled up."
• "The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork."
• "Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips in the middle of playing a piece."
• "Refrain means don't do it! A refrain in music s the part you'd better not try to sing."
• "I know what a sextet is, but I'd rather not say."
• "Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago."
• "Music sung by two people is called a duel; if they sing without music it is called Acapulco."