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Opera Characters and their lists of "Things I must do"

 

Lucia's

  • Have that talk with my brother
  • Ask post office about missing mail
  • Bring gown to dry cleaner

Violetta's

  • Take Cough Medicine
  • Have Party
  • Meet Alfredo
  • Take more cough medicine
  • Buy house in country
  • Buy more cough medicine
  • Leave Alfredo for his sister's sake
  • Return to Paris
  • Sell possessions at auction
  • Borrow some cough medicine
  • Call Doctor

Norma's

  • Read management book, get tips on how to handle rebellious subordinates
  • Read self-help book about falling in love with unsuitable men
  • Contact Druid day-care agency about kids. They're starting to misbehave during the mistletoe cutting ceremony.
  • Talk to council about purchasing self-starting pyre

Calaf's

  • Bang that Gong!
  • Win the Quiz
  • Boff the beauty
  • Refill the Ice Tray

Don Giovanni's

  • Seduce noble woman
  • Kill her father
  • Run Away
  • Abuse manservant
  • Avoid jealous ex-lover
  • Seduce peasant
  • Abuse manservant
  • Throw party
  • Invite statue to dinner
  • Abuse manservant
  • Pretend to be manservant
  • Seduce servant of ex-lover
  • Have dinner
  • Argue with manservant
  • Fight with statue come to life
  • Be dragged kicking and screaming to hell without the benefit of dying first

Elektra's

  • Buy shampoo
  • Get manicure
  • Polish axe
  • Cut mother's face out of all family photographs

Desdemona's

  • Learn to communicate with spouse.
  • Have copies of your mother-in-law's handkerchief made.

Otello's

  • Learn to communicate with spouse.

Iago's

  • Don't speak to the Racial Equality Commission

Rigoletto's

  • Hire more faithful assassins.

Tosca's

  • Buy a bullet proof vest.

Sheriff Rance's

  • Carry your own deck of poker cards.

Simon Boccanegra's

  • Give up drinking.

Azucena's

  • Give up throwing babies into fires. Bathing is a safer way to clean them.

Wotan's

  • Avoid dwarfs.

Melissande's

  • Get hair done.

Elsa's

  • Improve your questioning technique.

Don Carlos'

  • Speak to psychologist about Oedipus complexes.

Tristan's

  • Refuse drinks from strange women.

 

We welcome contributions of opera jokes.  If you would like to submit opera jokes for publication on JCarreras.com.  Please contact our Joke Editor, LeAnna White

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Written by: LeAnna White
Date Modified: January 01, 2000
URL: http://www.jcarreras.com/fun/jokes006.htm
Copyright © 1999 JCarreras.com