A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor.
"I'm sorry, he's dead," comes the reply.
The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist.
At last she asks him why he keeps calling.
"I just like to hear you say it."

An Opera Diva arrived into Heaven's gate after her death was followed by a splendid funeral, where everyone with some interest in Opera sent flowers, or at least some sighs of sense of loss.

Saint Peter come out to answer the call and, seeing a very proud woman standing there, asked her, "Who are you?" She answered, "I am an Opera Diva". The Doorman asked for proof of identity, which she obviously didn't bring. The he suggested, "To prove you are an Opera Diva, sing an aria to me". She answered, "Are you nuts? You are a nothing but a simple fisherman. Besides, my agent is not with me, I am not ready to sing just with THAT piano, and I don't see all the fans that enjoy any of my performances, even when I cancel!" After this tirade, the Fisherman said, "Come in now, you have already convinced me that you are a real Opera Diva."

Tenor: "That girl in the audience just rolled her eyes at me."
Soprano: "Well, roll them back to her, she might need them later."

A violinist was auditioning for the Halle orchestra in England. After his audition he was talking with the conductor. "What do you think about Brahms?" asked the conductor.

"Ah..." the violinist replied, "Brahms is a great guy! Real talented musician. In fact, he and I were just playing some duets together last week!"

The conductor was impressed. "And what do you think of Mozart?" he asked.

"Oh, he's just swell! I just had dinner with him last week!" replied the violinist. Then the violinist looked at his watch and said he had to leave to catch the 1:30 train to London.

Afterwards, the conductor was discussing him with the board members. He said he felt very uneasy about hiring this violinist, because there seemed to be a serious credibility gap. The conductor knew for certain that there was no 1:30 train to London.

An opera company was plagued by attendance problems. Several singers were absent at each rehearsal. As a matter of fact, every singer in the production had missed several rehearsals, except for the very faithful soprano. Finally, as the dress rehearsal drew to a close, the conductor took a moment to thank the soprano for her faithful attendance. She, of course, humbly responded, "It's the least I could do, since I won't be at the performance."